“What are we suppose to do when all the love is gone?”
Who is David Guetta, for $500 Alex?
That’s what I use to ask myself all the time when I hung out with her and something didn’t feel quite right. We loved that song and use to blast it out the car windows cruising down our old stomping grounds.
Infact, the feeling was getting worse, it was like the puzzle piece that fit so snug before was now becoming warped and soggy. That cardboard puzzle piece just didn’t jive with the rest of the puzzle anymore. And that puzzle piece was me.
But, how could this happen? Me and her were best friends for years since our teens, and now we were in our twenties and we were experiencing the classic drift. We were growing apart. And yet we got along like bread and butter everytime we were together. What caused us to peel away like old paint in a humid house?
The final straw that made the final impact was her lies. And Angela lied a lot. I knew her so well, I could read her like the back of my hand. I knew when she was lying and when she was being truthful with me. She couldn’t hide much from me, she either ended up exposing herself or her face said it all.
So, it was a regular weekday evening and I picked up the phone to call her up and plan our night out since she wanted to see me after being so busy. And we had so much to catch up on. Well, there was no answer on the cell, no response on the texts. I thought, what gives, it was her idea to get together. So, thinking her cell might have died, I called her house. Her mother answered. Classic. I knew I’d get my answers now about why she was being so elusive. And thus, there went the end of our friendship in the next few minutes.
Her lovely mother was so kind, but not much for intelligence. I asked her if she was around, and to her surprise she wasn’t entirely sure. “Give me a minute, let me call around the house” her mother said. “Angela, are you home?” She called out. Angela answered, as if she was merely two feet away from the phone. She probably was. “Who is it mom?” Angela asked. Her mom told her it was me. “Tell her I’m not home mom, I’m going out with my boyfriend and his friends” Angela yelled, across the room, unknowingly into the phone and clearly into my ears.
My heart dropped. Suddenly, I had become a second class citizen to my very dearest friend in a matter of minutes. Why was I so uninformed that I was Angela’s last priority? And so, a few seconds later, her mother came back on the phone to calmly, without a flinch of remorse that she was lying to me, to let me know that Angela had already left for the night. Sorry, she told me.
I was so gob-smacked that anyone would lie so badly within ear shot and expose themselves that I couldn’t compose a smart comeback on the phone to let them know that I heard every word. I must have sounded like the most defeated person to receive semi-disappointing (in the grand scheme of things) news. Heart broken I said I’d call her tomorrow. But I knew I wouldn’t call her. I wouldn’t accept that behaviour and encourage it. I wouldn’t accept being the backup plan when nothing else better was happening. She could have asked me to hang out with her group of friends that she ditched me for, that would have been okay, the more the merrier. But I wasn’t good enough to be involved with her friends. This was the end. I didn’t want to talk it out. Angela had made herself quite clear over the past few months that I just wasn’t good enough to have her truth and time, so this was the final blow. I wasn’t going to stick around anymore.
Knowing my truth, and never having been treated with such disrespect in my life, I moved on. She called me a few times but I ignored her phone calls just as swiftly as she had blind sighted mine. When she sent me a text asking if I was avoiding her, I lied and told her of course not, I was just so busy with work and school. In reality, I had all the time in the world now that my best friend was out of the picture.
Endings sure are sad. At times they are essential, and sometimes they are a relief. Truth be told, I always miss her fun energy. I miss what she’d say when I do really hilarious things. I miss her laughter. I miss her ability to actually listen to me, she was good at that unlike most people.
The problem with me is I wasn’t a boy. If I was I’d have her undying respect no matter how badly I’d have treated her. That was something about Angela, she loved boys and would do anything for them. I was never like that. If I liked a guy, sure I might have obsessively talked about him in my teenage ways, but I’d always give my time to my girl friends or myself. Guys weren’t a priority for me. I didn’t go to the mall to check them out like Angela did. But in the end, it was because I wasn’t one that I got last dibs with her.
As terrible as her and her family treated me, I still think about her and wonder how she’s doing. I hear she’s getting married soon and I wonder what it would have been like being her bridesmaid. Or what it would have been like to throw her a bridal shower. I always thought I’d be there for her during those milestones. I was honoured when she asked me to come to her university graduation. I dragged myself out to Timbuktu on the train to see her go up on stage. I was so tired that I fell asleep during the ceremony, but I was there for her wasn’t I? My diabetes and sleep disorder got the best of me that day. But I still showed up for her despite my body saying no. I always gave her 1000% and she never gave me a second glance. I’ll admit in highschool she always had my back. But after that, I slid down on the totem pole. And thus so did our friendship. I could tell you a million more ways Angela broke my heart, but I’d need a novel for that.
So, if Angela wouldn’t chose me, I would chose me. And, I have to say my life has been less stressful for it. Not having to think twice about if someone is lying to me, or if they really want to be in my company. I’ve made more room for other amazing friends that make me laugh until I cry. And those are the friends that I can see at my wedding. The ones that aren’t afraid to tell me the truth when they’re too tired to hang out. The ones that keep their word. They’re the ones that have my back when I need a lift or when I need an honest opinion. Who knew that if I got rid of that dull energy in my life it’d open up tenfold for so much more happiness?
As they say, the truth will set you free. My heart is free now. Thank-you Angela, thank-you.